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You’ve read this before today

The creak of the garage 

Opening 

Had me sprinting 

Down the stairs 

Avoiding 

An unoriginal confrontation 

That can always be 

Expected 

But still hits unpredictably

.

Your heels clicking on freshly cleaned tile

The alarm playing over and over in my ears

An intake of breath held tight 

Is today any different?

.

You’ve made dinner 

Is the cycle ending? 

Did I imagine everything? 

Are you happy with the 

Daughter 

Who didn’t turn out to be clay 

.

Ask me about my day 

Like it wasn’t just the night 

Before that you 

Disappeared 

A promise on wine-stained lips to care

.

That avoidance that’s gone on for years 

But I’m lucky that it only comes in waves of

Remembering what it might 

Mean to be a 

Mother 

.

And just like that your anger 

Interrupts the perfect household you 

Should’ve had, had your daughter 

Been a little nicer, more supportive that you’ve

 Changed 

.

Tears are weaponized but 

It’s all happened 

Before 

Stuck on repeat in slow cycles 

Nothing new ever happens 

.

And the garage door creaks its warning as it opens 

Is it a mother or a monster 

Today? 

A question I never cared to 

Answer because the answer never 

Changed 

.

You’ve made dinner again 

A voice yelling downstairs that we’re eating 

Together 

As a family 

.

Nothing new ever happens.

.

And you’ve read this before today

8 thoughts on “You’ve read this before today”

  1. This. This is powerful. Charged with emotion. I *felt* it as I read it.
    I have a similar relationship with my mom. The way you captured that feeling of uncertainty and hurt is perfect. “It only comes in waves of remembering what it might mean to be a mother.” This. This so agonizingly and accurately describes that feeling. Well done.
    “And the garage door creaks its warning as it opens. Is it a mother or a monster today? A question I never cared to answer, because the answer never changed.” #stolen. This is beautiful. I love the way you worded the ending.
    Wonderful writing, as always, Halo.

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  2. Holy-
    well today we’ve decided to post our mother pieces
    I- no really I felt this very much, it was aaaaahhhhhh. No I literally started sweating when your lines about the garage door (I hate the sound I’d assume you do as well) and the sounds of feet upstairs. OK WHAT IS WHAISIDE HOW TF

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