what a queer idea

“What would it be to allow a body to be silent, fully present without telling us anything?” -my queer art history class reading

/

I wonder if my gender is visible beneath my clothing/ does she whisper at you/woman?/

I can be feminine/I know the perfume, the curl, the lilt in my voice/the walk/the act/

do they know I can’t remove pieces of my sex from my body?/

I perform so well you’d think it was my character/did I choose that for myself?/

had I grown without rules what would I choose/who would I be?/ 

pronouns pronounce my name like the plague/a shiver down my crooked spine/the same words read differently by different tongues/

yes that’s right/that’s me/but also not/

my name is wrong spoken/thought of aloud/thought distorts into categories/that’s not right/

do they know I can’t remove the pieces of my body you decide my identity by/is my body the answer people perceive me by/

the reality they can know?/

I wonder if my gender is visible beneath my skin /does he whisper to you not a woman?/ do they whisper to you not a gender?/

do they know I can’t remove my form from myself?/

do they know/did they ever understand how to be present without perceiving anything?/

My body doesn’t answer/

/

My body is silent.