The Story of Him

I will remember 

the first real thing I said to you 

I like your jawline 

I will have to clarify 

As an artist

I only notice conventional beauty when I want you stained to my hands

The curve of your body the angles and lines

All memorized by my fingers

I remember when I will ask you

To be my reference 

I’ve done this before

I will do it again

A hundred times 

A hundred people

Why will it be different

Why will I be looking for excuses 

To have pictures of you 

To capture you 

To hold the image of your eyes looking at me

Your eyes looking down at my lips when we sat together in class

(Come closer)

Was that intentional? 

Will you like reinventing my brain to hold more thoughts about you 

Will you like the way my face tries to hide the way I’m blushing

The way I smile so deeply anyone could see it written on my face

So un-poetically it’s kinda funny

I will remember the way you used a concept I didn’t know 

I will expect you to make fun of me 

(Idiot)

Your face will light up

So much passion in your voice 

So gentle and happy to share new knowledge 

I’ve never seen that

I will press copy 

I will steal a piece of you

I will keep one of your deeper secrets 

The one you will never tell anyone but me 

It’s a piece of you we will share

Will you remember 

Will it haunt you or preserve me into your memory

I will hold onto the questions I asked after 

The ones you will say I’ll never hear 

(The ones I’ll now never know 

Is that how you wanted to memorialize yourself? 

You won you know, I’ll never get 

The answer I convinced myself I could pry out of you)

I will remember the stubble that will be on your face

After a long night doing classes you will laugh 

at me for not struggling in 

The strength that will stay in your calloused hands 

The way you will play the guitar

Feet outstretched so casually 

So comfortable in your own presence 

So invested in your music 

I will still have the sketch I did afterward

(It’s an artist thing you’re just a reference)

I will steal more and more pieces of you 

Will I build your puzzle in a picture I like better than the original 

Will I smooth your flaws in my painting

WIll I make this into something better

(I do that sometimes 

I find kalopsia to be a chronic disease)

I will remember the way your mask will fall down where we sat 

Laughing together 

Inside jokes and teasing and taunts that will never go anywhere

(I meant them sometimes you know)

The hoodie you will wear like a nerd and the one like it I will wear 

You will say we matched, always laughing

(You have the most beautiful laugh I’ve ever heard)

I will take it as a challenge 

To get your real laugh at least once a day 

I will see you every day

I will talk to you most nights 

(Fuck)

I will remember the way you will hate poetry

The way you will be studying it in AP lit 

The way you will look bent over a piece of work

My hand reaching over the paper 

Trying to explain it to you 

You’re laughing but I think you figured it out

You’ll come back a week later 

Excited to tell me you liked poetry now 

Showing me the ones you wrote

The way you will share parts of you for no one else to see

Just to me

You will watch for my reaction

(do you still write poetry?)

I will remember the day you were influenced by me

You will say you’ve never skipped an assembly before

I will lean in 

(Come stay with me) 

It will became a habit 

I was a bad habit but we both knew it’d be temporary

I will remember you

(do you remember me?)

I will remember the way you’d tease 

The gentle flirt in your eyes

I will remember the way I teased you back

 With a sharp tongue and a gentle tone

The day you talked about how everyone was in love with you 

I will laugh, pretending

I will remember the last and first fake thing I said to you

Wow, thinking everyone is in love with you, damn

So you do have a god complex

(irony irony irony)

You will laugh, like you always did

I will never say it

(I remember it all

if I turned around)

I will see you there 

You will still be sitting 

You will still be laughing
You will still be writing 

You will still be leaning over to tell me more secrets 

You will still be telling me how you like 

Talking to me

You will still remember the nights that felt like dreams 

(And I still think of you sometimes

Wondering about what could’ve been if I were any different)

And you will remember me never coming back

(And maybe you will choose to do it all again anyway)