flowers like apologies

anesthesia licks my veins already aching from pumping

the care spilling out like a gunshot, my darling

 I made this maroon just for you it’s

dipped in my love of purple 

hyacinths–it’s messy and 

you don’t like that I 

should just 

go

get a rag–I should find another way to bleed

knees on the floor sweeping

a broken dish I knocked

over–shattered–thinking

don’t apologize 

idiot 

or the burden of forgiveness falls

on you and I wanted to help

and I’m trying to clean up

I just forgot to stop 

moving new 

stitches

in hopes that my arms are already 

fixed and healed and ready to

hold onto you and my legs are

finally amputated because

they couldn’t seem to 

stop running–

I found 

you 

this wonderful book it might make

you smile and in hindsight it’s so

stupid and what am I doing

and it’s dumb—stupid

stupid stupid stupid

I think I’m better off

turning around

and cleaning

the tracks

my feet

keep

making 

and 

it’s 

my 

mess

not me 

that

you 

continue

to

l

o

o

k

a

t